Papa Mills on MLK

Mom: I forgot it was MLK day.  I did nothing with the kids to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dad: Go to school on Tuesday "blackfaced".

Papa Mills on Underwear

Me: My boyfriend wears size 36 because his thighs are so big.  He squats 510 lbs.

Dad: He doesn't need to worry about his thighs if he wears a thong.

Papa Mills on Race

While Pops is stretching in the living room with a soup can:

Me: What are you doing?

Dad: It's what Jafari Jackson told me to do.

Me:Who?

Dad: He's my blazn friend.

Me: I hope you don't say that outside of the house.

Dad: Why? Isn't that a compliment?

Papa Mills on Manners

Me: Why do you like eating while standing up?

Dad: If zombies came through the door right now who would be better off?

Papa Mills on Clothing

I walked into the dining room and dad is reading the paper...wearing no clothing whatsoever.

Dad: Its America, kid.

Papa Mills on Travel

Dad's famous last words before a trip: Prior planning prevents poor performance.

Me: Dad, you always say that.

Dad: This time its worse.

Papa Mills on Death

Dad: When you're doing my bio [obituary] and saying how much of a genius I am, remember I started college at 16.